Though many of them had positive observations, a lot of what they had to say dealt with their male companions being self-centered, boring, arrogant, duplicitous, needy and/or unwilling to commit (sometimes, impossible as it sounds, at the same time). Just know that you look great to many of us older guys with it or without it. You Probably Want to "Have It All" and Are Not Willing to "Settle". (I did.) After decades of living, we all have a lot to convey, but it makes for a better date if listening is a mutual activity. You don't want to waste your time, I understand that. Money is probably not a great date topic even if it's really, really important to you! But it also isn't 1870, and if there is mutual attraction, at this stage of our lives, waiting a long time -- whatever that may be -- seems equally foolish.
You appear to want decisive guys who can take charge and be assertive. Earlier on Huff/Post50: After what may be decades of commitment and teamwork in a marriage, couples often reach a point when they stop viewing sex as a necessity in a relationship now built upon the strong tenets of trust, friendship and love.
But when that crosses the line into controlling behavior, it is always a bad thing. A lack of sex in a marriage, however, can turn couples into buddies or quasi-roommates and make that special spark even harder to ignite.
Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man's intellectual stimulation.
"You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, 'I'm enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I'm also seeing others casually.'"Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.
That said, don't let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to.
Says Gadoua, "too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date." Be upfront and respectful, but don't apologize for wanting to date.Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays—not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups—is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .If money is hugely important, pre-screen your dates better. I'm not just going to jump into bed." And that's a good point. Someone brilliant once said, "Men sleep with women to see if there could be a relationship. It's a tough bind for guys, who aren't all that bright to begin with, and we often get it wrong.Women sleep with men because they believe there already is a relationship." If that's true, it's sort of amazing anyone gets together, but they do. Men Are Confused by Women's Definition(s) of "Controlling Behavior." On many of the dates I've had, women talk about the controlling behavior of former partners. Worse yet, the metric for what is controlling changes, so that something we did one day that was just right somehow is too controlling when we do the same thing two weeks later. I just know it's a problem that men cannot solve, and it might help you to be aware of our confusion.Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed," which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.