They don’t say anything that we girls don’t already know (but always manage to ignore), but now that I am dating again and looking at my past experiences, I’ve put some rules together which I hope will stop history from repeating itself. Attractiveness – I used to think that a guy that was less attractive of me would appreciate me and treat me accordingly. What happens is that when they get you, they start having ideas above their station and think if they got you, they can get any girl. This isn’t to say that you should hold out for a Boris Kodjoe lookalike, I mean that you know your worth don’t go below that level. In Essex, there is a phrase called Ladettes, looks like a lady but can fight like a guy.
A guy who is just as attractive as you are is comfortable in his own skin and so will not always be searching for more. Be yourself – we say we want a guy who takes us for who we are, but then we meet a guy and somehow mould ourselves into a ‘perfect girlfriend’, then when our guard is dropped and the walls start to come down, the guy then say’s “you’ve changed”. I could be described as one to some extent, depending on the situation.
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This guy, however seems to be the exception to this rule, he’s never travelled further than the west coast, he is a little bit of a hustler.
But he has a job, he is kind, and although I was hoping for an older millionaire, the main thing is he can pay his bills and he is coming across as a nice guy.
Now as much as I find myself the full package (attractive, intelligent, kind etc…). Of course I would not go to a black tie event and get so inebriated that I am dancing on tables, but if I’m out at a drinking spot, I would rather have a gin and tonic than a bottle of Alvaro. My drinking or my smoking doesn’t define me, it’s a small part of what I do, not what I am.
This guy I met, he knows this, and has still decided to stick around, maybe he’s the one guy in Ghana whose mind is a bit open. Interview – When a guy sees a girl, his first aim is to see how far his sweet talking can get him. When you apply you submit your CV (the sweet talk stage), next phase is the interview. If he’s not correct, it is better you find it now before investing your precious time on a guy who is just a fly by night. Meeting the family – I don’t think when you take a guy to meet the parents that it means the next day he’s expected to take you to the altar.
That’s always interesting in this country because I have yet to pass the 3 month probationary period, so we’ll see how this one goes.
In my previous blogs I was adamant that I will not date anyone who hasn’t spent a significant amount of time overseas because the mindset is completely wrong.
That you are decent, and that you are not just around for fun.
I live alone yes, but when my parents are here, I’m not expecting that when the guy comes to take me out on a date, he will call me from the car and tell me to come out.
If he sweet talked you into going out on a date, he needs to be doing the gentlemanly duties. Sex – the big elephant in the room in the beginning of all relationships.
How long do I keep him waiting before I give him the cookie?
So I’ll give it a go as it has been almost a year since my last disastrous dating experience, maybe he can redeem my faith in Ghanaian men.