It’s known as the Reward Theory of Attraction – we are attracted to people whose presence or behavior makes us feel appreciated and liked.
More than looks, more than money, more than whatever nebulous definition you want to give to “value” or “status”, the most attractive aspect of a man, that x-factor that nets him attention, attraction and dates is… Over the years as I was trying to make my transition from “dateless loser” to “ladies man”, I got to know a wide variety of folks who were good with women.
Some were blessed with every advantage – classic good looks, money and charm – while others had to work for their success.
Fun people make others feel comfortable and have a better grasp on how to read people’s signs and moods and can adjust themselves as needed.
This makes the difference between someone who’s fun and someone who’s just a clown: fun people can find the line and know when things are appropriate or not while a clown tends to blunder on regardless of mood or intent.
Who knew that one day you could turn it around and use those same skills as a part of a way of getting dates?
However, as much as making people feel good makes them like us, there’s more to it.
They weren’t “high-status males” with impressive jobs or flashy cars and fancy clothes.
They didn’t have useful contacts for the social climbers or the money for those supposedly hypergamous women looking for the next level. who still managed to date sexy, intelligent, ambitious women. Being fun, being able to help someone enjoy themselves transcended looks and status.
It’s a very simple premise: we instinctively like people who make us feel good.