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That is why experts in the field are trying to coin the term “ordinary trauma.” Read more on ordinary trauma.The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy- Shirley Jean Schmidt, MA, LPC, (an Ego State Therapy for Healing Adults with Childhood Trauma & Attachment Wounds), The DNMS is a comprehensive, strengths-based, client-centered, ego-state therapy for healing adults with trauma and attachment wounds.

Extreme independence or loneliness is only a maladaptive survival strategy.

That is why most of the time reading books and learning skills only work for a short period of time.

(Amir, 2010, attached) The good news is that therapy can help.

Professional help can provide you the understanding you need to figure out your own role and triggers in relationships.

It is our unconscious relational map and contains our needs, expectations, triggers, wounds, interpretations and values.

Attachment theory is a map to the landscape of love. Research shows that about 50 percent of the population present a secure attachment style, which means natural capacity for a balance between being intimate and being independent, which also means more self-esteem, capacity to bounce easier from rejections and less fear of being engulfed or abandoned.

This approach heals the attachment wounds and the damage sustained from neglect or poor parenting in early childhood.

For developmental trauma to happen, not catastrophic events have to happen. No family can attend to all members needs, so think of it as a lack of vitamins.

While research shows that relationships are the main source of happiness, they can also bring a lot of pain to people’s lives. Opening ourselves to people means becoming vulnerable and open to the possibility of rejection.

Furthermore, even though we think we are choosing consciously who we like and who we don’t, there are more complicated underlying factors determining your choices, behaviors, fears and expectations when it comes to dating: the attachment style. It is the way we connect, how we bond with other people and it is developed throughout our lives and influenced by our experiences and relationships.

Most of us are ill-equipped to create a successful relationship.

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